The Pseudo-Londoner: The Eighty-Fifth and Eighty-Sixth Days: DISNEYLAND PARIS!!!

Saturday, May 3 and Sunday, May 4, 2014:

Alright. I took about a million photos for my fellow Disneyphiles, so get prepared.

There's a real lot of 'em.

First things first: a map, to help you get a handle on where things are situated throughout the park.

Here's the entrance! It's much grander than the entrance at Disneyland, mostly because it's a hotel! I would love to stay here one day. You're literally IN THE PARK. The views at the back would be insane. A perfect place to watch the fireworks over the castle from.

Also, note my shadow at the bottom! HEY OH!

The ticket, because some of you might care.

While we were there, they were celebrating "Swing into Spring!" There was a plethora of flowers and blossoms everywhere.

See? Flowers. Blossoms. Everywhere! An adorable topiary of Bert and Mary Poppins.
"Oh happiness is bloomin' all around her. The daffodils are smilin' at the doves!"

My first glimpse of Le Chateau de la Belle au Bois Dormant! (Sleeping Beauty's Castle.)
Sleeping Beauty gets two castles. One here, and one in Disneyland.
They dropped the ball, it should be Belle's Castle. I mean, it's IN FRANCE!

We headed directly to Tomorrowland. Or as it's called in Disneyland Paris: "Discoveryland." (I still called it Tomorrowland every time. Oops.)

Space Mountain: Mission 2. We didn't ride this yet, so more photos of this later.

The Orbitron. (Much like Astro-Orbiters in Disneyland.)

Space Mountain in the background.

This is the Videopolis theatre. They used to perform big-budget shows in it (think Disneyland's Aladdin stage show), but they haven't done one since The Lion King in 2009. Now it hosts Disney Animated Shorts on screen. Lame.

Star Tours! Our first ride! (Look at that x-wing!!)

A French-speaking Threepio.

Ackbars. Good to see ya.

Threepio and Artoo in the StarSpeeder 3000.

A G2 Droid fixing a broken droid. Fun fact: the G2 droid animatronics are actually from the now departed "America Sings" attraction in Disneyland. They used to be geese.

More droid maintenance.

Another G2 Goose Droid.

Here's a little video of the G2 droid speaking French. Warning the passengers about the technical failures of the StarSpeeder 3000, and it's pilot, Rex.

The thing I loved most about going to Disneyland Paris was that it was like stepping back in time, and seeing Disney Attractions the way they were in my childhood. This was the old-school Star Tours. Not the newfangled fancy-pants ones in Disneyland and Disneyworld now. It was fun to see the old stuff again. But they're closing this one down in early 2016 to make the switch to the new one.

A cute little statue of Wall-E and Eve, just outside of Space Mountain.

Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast (as opposed to Astro-Blasters, like it's named in Disneyland.)

The building seems a lot smaller than at the other parks. That's kind of the general theme around here. Lots smaller.

This was a neat statue, with a quote from Jules Verne on it.
You'll get why I think that's cool in a few photos...

"All that is within the limit of possibility must be and will be accomplished." - Jules Verne

BAM! Here's why that Jules Verne quote is cool: Because they still have a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea attraction here! (Jules Verne wrote 20,000 Leagues, you know.) See? It's like stepping back in time. To the first time I visited Disneyland when I was 6. This ride is now Finding Nemo at Disneyland, which is still cute, but kids these days don't know about 20,000 Leagues. And it's a classic! This one wasn't a submarine ride, like Disneyland. Rather, it was the Nautilus that you could walk around and explore, much like the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse (which they also still have here! In Disneyland, it's now the Tarzan Treehouse). I think they kept the Nautilus because Jules Verne was French.

We had to check out Autopia, mostly because I like the billboards along the track.

It was so fun to watch the kids' expressions as they were driving. Disney was a genius, guys. Giving kids everything they ever wanted. Seriously, what did you want to be when you grew up? An Astronaut? Racecar Driver? Jungle Explorer? Cowboy? Princess? Disney lets you experience it all. Amazing.

Anyway, back to Autopia. I love how the hedges are shaped around here. So whimsical.

AstroCoupe 9000! Great! She Rolls! She Flies!

These trees! I loved 'em.

This is Chris's face after they stopped all the cars on the track. They pulled one off the course right in front of us.
Then, they had to restart our lawn-mower engine in the back.

Seriously. Lawnmower engine.

AgriFutur. Nice allusion to American Gothic, Disney. Clever.
(Did you know all the plants in Tomorrowland are edible? I don't know if the same goes for Discoveryland or not.)

RoboPropre - cleanliness at your fingertips.

Rocket Cafe - The Bistro of the Year 2000! (Not so much the future anymore, guys. Get it together, Disney Paris.)

After Autopia, we went to Buzz Lightyear AstroBlaster. I mean Laser Blast. Whatever.

Just witness how many tries it took for Chris to get this right. He's a determined fella.
(Wrong Eye Open. Tongue on wrong side.)

Tongue's good now, but still the wrong eyeball. Even though he's clearly lacking that third eye.

Bam! Nailed it.

Here's a bit of French Buzz Lightyear for your listening pleasure:

Chris, kicking my butt at Laser Blast. I scored 103500. He scored 120200. Boo. (Also, please witness Chris's mouth, which is clearly in the process of forming laser "pew-pew" sounds. I love this guy.)

Next stop: FANTASY LAND! MY FAVOURITE!!! First ride: Small World. Chris hates this ride, but I just love it, okay? Get off my back, geez.

"Join the happiest cruise that ever sailed around the world!"

I had a bit of time to kill here, as Chris went to go grab us some fast-passes for some other ride. So I took lotsa photos.

Again, smaller than Disneyland and Disneyworld, but how cute is it?!
Plus, I like it more than the others. I'll show you why in a bit.

Pretty sure that kid on the left is mid-tantrum. Oh, Disney.

Hey look! I can see my house!!
(Okay, okay. Not my house, but Delicate Arch! In... what appears to be California? Still, I'll take it!)

Check out this little bumble! Just buzzin' around, gettin' some pollen. Good work, little dude.

Okay, this is why Small World Paris is my favourite: BECAUSE THEY HAVE ACTUAL WORLD SIGHTS in the facade of the building!

La Tour Eiffel! Appropriate.

Also present here is the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Big Ben (Although I can't quite see it now, but it's in there), and a Dutch Windmill! It's because Europeans will recognize them. Speaking of, did you know Disneyland Paris is the most visited attraction in all of Europe? Isn't that crazy?!

Bienvenue! Why thank you, French can-can dancer! Watch video (not mine) of the ride here.

I took some video footage, but this one is better, so watch it instead:

After Small World, we walked around Fantasyland and went on Chris's favourite ride! You'll never guess what it is.

It's not this. This is a restaurant. But it was real cute, so of course I took a photo.

Le Pays des Contes de Fees!! The Storybook Canal Boats!!
I secretly love that Chris loves this ride so much. It's adorable.
And most people don't even know it exists in Disneyland.

The Storybook Canal Boats take you through a series of miniature sets from various Disney films. And all the vegetation around are miniaturized. Like bonsai trees! Super adorable.

First stop: Snow White's Cottage, and the Dwarves' Gem Mine!

There's Dopey! And a tiny mine cart. Haha.

If you look closely, you can see the Wicked Witch bringing the apple to her door.

Next: Hansel and Gretel. I know, it's not Disney. But it IS very European, so they included it. Haha.

I love the giant gnarled old tree growing over it. And the little chimney coming out the top.
And the candy pathway. Okay, I just love all of it.

Next: The Little Mermaid! Ariel and Eric's castle.

Check out that boat! Also, of all the Disney Castles, I might enjoy the location of this one best.
The only thing it's lacking is the Beast's Library.

I was so excited about this next one: PETER AND THE WOLF!! I love this little short.

There's Peter. Sneaking off with his little cap gun.

Our boats stopped for a while in front of this next scene and I was a little confused:

Yup. A graveyard. Creepy.

But when they started back up again, I realized what it was! Fantastia's "Night on Bald Mountain" aka The Most Horrifying Thing From My Childhood.

If you don't remember Night on Bald Mountain, here's a refresher: That giant gargoyle-demon is Chernobog. Disney once referred to him in an interview as the incarnation of Satan himself. And he basically summons all these demons, ghosts, and restless souls from their graves to wreak havoc on this sleepy little town, until THANKFULLY they're stopped by the ringing of a church bell. Literal nightmare fuel, this guy is.

Here's the clip, for those who might care:

Supposedly, they had Bella Lugosi (the actor famed for his portrayal of Dracula) come in to do some live-action reference poses for the animators of Chernobog. Which doesn't make the demon any less creepy.

If you've ridden this is Disneyland, you'll remember that you sail through the mouth of Monstro the Whale from Pinocchio. Not so with this place. Here you sail through:

The Cave of Wonders! From Aladdin.

Then, you come upon: The Sword in the Stone

"And below the hilt in letters of gold were written these words:
'For whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise King, born of England.'"

As we passed the Sword in the Stone, I saw Sleeping Beauty's Tiny Miniature Castle!

And then, this little town. It's a quiet village. Every day, like the one before...

That's right, Belle's Poor Provincial Town.

There she is, reading to the sheep at the fountain. "But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three!"

And on the right is her little farm house. "Is he gone? Can you imagine? He asked me to marry him. Me! The wife of that boorish, brainless... Madame Gaston can you just see it? Madam Gaston, his little wife. No sir! Not me, I guarantee it! I want much more than this provinical life!"

This next little piece was a bit out of place if you ask me, but here it is anyway:

The Emerald City! Yup, from the Wizard of Oz. Don't ask me what it's doing here, because that movie is MGM.
Sitting on the steps are the Cowardly Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man, after getting their rewards from the Wizard.

After getting off the Storybook Boats, we came upon an attraction that they don't have at any other park in the world! "Alice's Curious Labyrinth" -- An Alice in Wonderland themed hedge maze!

If you must know, he's late for a very important date.

Oh no! We're stuck in Tulgey Wood!

Ah, perhaps this clever Cheshire Cat will show us the way. But I guess "that depends on where we want to get to."

Another nightmare from my childhood, if we're being honest. That cat's a real creeper.
"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe...."

We rounded a corner, and all the sudden this little guy was honking in my face. Didn't expect THAT!

We came upon the Caterpillar. "I am exacitically three inches tall, and it's a very good hight INDEED!"

"How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail and pour the waters of the nile on every golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishies in with gently smiling jaws."

Then, came the Jolly Caucus Race!

"Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be dryer than a jolly caucus race!"

"Oooooh, a sailor's life is a life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea! And I never, ever, ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never, ever does a thing for me!"

Seriously, every park should have this. Adorable.

There was another creepy Cheshire Cat, this time with googly eyes that went round in circles.

And we FINALLY came upon the Queen of Hearts' castle! There's those tricky cards, painting the roses red. Not pink, or green, or aquamarine.

Look at the little King of Hearts on the balcony!

We climed to the top, and checked out the views:

At the bottom left, the creepy queen animatronic that pops up at you!
Also, on the skyline, about the middle, you can see Big Thunder Mountain, which they call something else here.

Small World on the Left, Space Mountain and the Castle at the right.

Hedge mazes are great. There should exist more in the world.

OH! Okay, see the castle? That's Pirates of the Caribbean. And the manor house in front of it is Toad Hall, a restaurant, and not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, as I was disappointed to learn.

We decided to walk up to the castle and check it out. It's very small, but rather adorable. I love all the little turrets and buttresses, and balconies, and winding staircases.

Underneath the castle, they have "La Taniere du Dragon," The Dragon's Lair. It's actually a pretty sweet animatronic. I guess at the time of the park's opening, in 1992, it was the largest animatronic ever built.

Shhh, it's sleeping. I love its claws dangling in the pool.

Oh no, it's awake and slashing around! Bad photo, I should've used a faster shutter speed, but it was so dark in there!

Here's some video, featuring an annoying kid making nonsense sounds at the top of his lungs:

Also in the castle, the have a gallery of stained glass windows and tapestries depicting the story of Sleeping Beauty.

"Hail to the Princess Aurora! All of the servants adore her."

"Listen well, all of you. The princess shall indeed grow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her. But, before the sun sets on her 16th birthday, she shall prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die!"

Maleficent. Quite possibly one of the best Disney villains of all time.

Merryweather, Fauna, and Flora putting the town to sleep.

The valiant Prince Phillip, and his horse Sampson.

Fun fact about this tapestry: When Imagineer Tony Baxter saw this piece, he was so taken with it, he asked permission to commission a reproduction for himself. He was told, however, that in order to maintain the virtue of the Disney brand, he wouldn't be allowed to do so. Then, at a celebration upon the completion of the park, he received a second version of the tapestry as a thank you gift for his enormous contributions to Disneyland Paris. Isn't that neat?

Us, at the top of the castle. Rather, as near to the top as you can get.

The view of the stage that they perform various shows on, in front of the castle.

More of the "Swing into Spring" Celebrations! These guys were similar to the Dapper Dans. But not as cool.

They had these floral sculptures all over in front of the castle. Here's Flower and Bambi.

Marie, Toulouse, and Berlioz.

Nala and Simba.

Kami and Chris! Haha.

This is what they have in place of the Partners Statue. It's named the Legends Statue. Featuring the castle, a spell book, waves, and the Sorcerer's Apprentice Mickey hand holding a wand.

After leaving the castle, we headed to Frontierland.

Here's the view of Big Thunder Mountain. Remember when I told you it was named something else? I lied. I was thinking of Thunder Mesa, which is what they call the whole Frontierland Area, for some reason.

First stop: the Haunted Mansion, called "Phantom Manor." We were right at the front of the queue to get in, which put me right up by the doorknob, so of course I took photos.

Everything at Disney is SO DETAILED. EVERYTHING!

The premise of this Haunted Mansion is different from any other in the world. Mostly because it's set in a frontier manor instead of a New Orleans mansion. But also because there is an active villain in this one!

The story goes like this (yes, this is mostly copied from wikipedia):

Henry Ravenswood was a Western settler who struck gold in Big Thunder Mountain and founded the Thunder Mesa Mining Company, thus creating the city of Thunder Mesa. Ravenswood became rich and built himself a Victorian manor high on Boot Hill overlooking Big Thunder Mountain, where he raised a family and had a daughter, Melanie Ravenswood.

Native lore told that Big Thunder Mountain was home to the Thunder Bird. According to the legend, if disturbed, its wrath could be materialized into a terrible earthquake. However, Ravenswood would not believe such stories. As time went by, the gold in Big Thunder Mountain ran out, forcing miners to dig deeper into the mountain.

Melanie grew from a young girl into a beautiful young woman, and became engaged to a train engineer who planned to take her far away from Thunder Mesa, much to the dismay of her father. Henry did everything he could to stop the wedding, but his useless attempts were put to a stop when a terrible earthquake killed both him and his wife Martha. It seemed the Thunder Bird had been awakened, and the family was never heard of again. It was presumed Melanie ran away with her fiance, and never returned to Thunder Mesa. After several years, the story of what really happened was unearthed:

On Melanie's wedding day, a mysterious Phantom appeared at the manor. While Melanie was preparing in her room, the Phantom lured her fiance up to the attic where he was hanged from the rafters. (In the elevator scene, both the phantom and the hanging fiance can be scene. This is a little more grisly than the suicidal hanging man in the Disneyland and Disneyworld versions, as there's an actual murderer.)

In the ballroom, the bride sat alone. Hours went by with no sign of the groom. Guests slowly filed away, leaving Melanie alone in the house with the staff of maids and butlers. "Some day," she told herself, "he will come." And so, having never taken off her wedding dress or dropped her bouquet, in preparation for her loved one's return, she wandered the house aimlessly, singing melancholy songs of lost love. (Miss Havisham-esque, right?)

The Phantom, however, did not leave the manor, and stayed laughing at her human devotion to her intended husband. One after one, he invited his dead, demonic friends from the afterlife to fill the house in an eternal party. The shape of the house was slowly transformed by the evil forces. Years passed.

Inside and outside, the house was decaying. Dusty cobwebs covered every inch, and poor Melanie lost her mind. She wandered the house for years and years, singing softly to her groom, while all around her, demons and ghosts reveled and danced. Outside, the once beautiful grounds fell apart and crumbled. All the while, Melanie held to her hopes, waiting for her love's return, never learning why he had left.

The earthquake that killed her parents cut a huge gouge in the west half of the property and in the crumbling ghost town. The deserted Thunder Mesa was rumored to be called Phantom Canyon, said to be a dark supernatural version of the town (this is featured in the ride, after the "six feet under" drop, where there would normally be a graveyard scene), and anyone who entered the ghastly old town at night never came back.

Today, no one knows if Melanie Ravenswood is still alive in that old house on the hill. If she is, then she is well over 100 years old. Her beautiful voice still carries over the town at night though, through the walls and night air. And sometimes, people still see lights in the house.

Some nights, when the moon is full and the sky is clear of clouds, you can still hear the lonely mourning of the bride, the maniacal laughter of the Phantom, and the faint tinkle of glass and laughter of party guests. Whether she is alive or not, what is well known is that poor Melanie never really left the crumbling mansion. She waits for her groom until Judgment Day.

Many fans of the ride believe the Phantom to be Melanie's father, Henry Ravenswood, seeking vengeance from beyond the grave. Others believe that it is the pure spirit of evil, and that a curse was upon the young girl.

(THANKS, WIKIPEDIA!) Now onto a very few photos:

They only feature one sinister "Following Bust" here, which is sad. I love those guys. Chris won't let me tell him how they accomplish this trick. But it's so simple!

The entryway is beautiful, look at those stairs!

Okay, okay. From then on, I was too enthralled to take any photos. There exist videos on youtube, but none I was thrilled enough about to actually link here. But take a look, if you'd like.

The big riverboat at Thunder Mesa. They have two boats here: Mark Twain and Molly Brown.
However, Mark Twain has been in a dry dock since 2011. So this is Molly. She's the only side-wheeler in a Disney park.

Ah. Here's the outside of Phantom Manor. Adorable.

And this is the Silver Spur Steakhouse. Similar to the Golden Horseshoe at Disneyland.

A street-sweeper painting Scrooge McDuck on the ground with water from his trash scoop. Clever.

In Frontierland, they have an attraction called "Pocahontas Indian Village." I was so excited to see something different and cool, so we went over!

Wah, wah. It's a lame little kids' playground area.

We made our way over to Adventureland, where they have Adventure Isle that you can explore (it's similar to the Mark Twain Island at Disneyland, which is now Pirate Island, I think). On the North side of Adventure Isle is the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, and the South features a Pirate's Beach, which is obviously where we went first.

We took turns being the Pirate King.

On the shores of Pirate's Beach is this awesome ship, which belongs to one Captain James Hook! Yes, it's the Jolly Roger!

Check out that Skull Rock. Real rad. Disneyland needs this.

Who knew Ariel was the figurehead of the Jolly Roger? Okay, so it's not Ariel. But maybe it's one of her sisters?
Adella? Arista? Aquata, maybe?

Um... I don't remember if this is in the caves of Spyglass Hill on Adventure Island, or if it's in the actual Pirates ride. But here it is anyway.

Okay, we went back to Space Mountain, and look.... It boards outside. Weird, right?!

It was, obviously, too dark for any other photos. So this is what you get.

Also, I didn't take any photos of the other park (like California Adventure), except for these few, during the Hollywood Studios Backlot Tour.

Stuff on Fire.

Oh no, a flash flood!

Yup, it encapsulated our entire train car.

Also, this was there. Hayne Street Station?! First of all, this isn't London. Second of all, no station named that exists. Get it together, Disneyland Paris.

Then, we went toward the castle to view the fireworks:

Lookit those square trees! LOVE!

Here's someone else's video of them. Don't worry if you get teary watching it, because I totally did:

Then we obviously went to the Lego Store at Downtown Disney. Chris LOVES the murals they make out of little 1x1 squares. So here's lots of photos of them.